


The Quest for Balance

by Ambs_Writes



Series: Equilibrium [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, F/F, Lexa Lives, Soulmates Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Time Travel Fix-It, addiotional characters and ships to be added, references to Lexa's death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 07:25:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19352251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambs_Writes/pseuds/Ambs_Writes
Summary: With one shot, the future of the world was turned to fire. A legacy of peace died, as did the hope of two peoples. Now, they have a chance to do better and this time, they won't fail.





	1. The Edge

_ “May we meet again,” _

Lexa stood on a smooth surface that rippled like water beneath her steps, a sky of glittering stars reflected on the surface. The emptiness seemed to stretch on infinitely, each step Lexa took carried her closer to nothing, further from nothing. There was no light, no darkness, no wrong, no right. There was only Lexa and the nothing that surrounded her.

“Where am I?” Lexa’s voice faded softly, the barest hint of an echo reaching her ears. She stopped and turned, looking back in the direction that she had come from.

_ May we meet again. _

“Clarke?” Lexa called, sure that it was the blonde sky girl who had spoken. The words Lexa had heard from her before they parted, spoken through quivering lips. Clarke had been crying Lexa remembered, her tears falling onto Lexa’s face, but Lexa couldn’t remember the reason for Clarke’s tears. Her mind would only replay Clarke’s final words to her again and again.

_ May we meet again. _

“Clarke, where are you?” Lexa called again as she looked desperately around. There was no trace of the blonde woman anywhere.

“She cannot hear you here, young one.” Another voice sounded from behind Lexa, familiar in a way that Lexa couldn’t pinpoint. She spun around quickly.

“Where is here?” Lexa demanded, the hiss of the Commander coming on in her words. “Where is Clarke? What happened?”

The woman before her smiled softly, she wore a flowing black robe that flowed gently in an invisible breeze. Lexa swallowed as the woman’s eyes met hers. There was a wisdom that shone in the woman’s eyes, and a deep pain there as well. These were the eyes of a woman who had seen the world die over and over again.

“Here, is nowhere, a bridge you could say, between this life and the next,” the woman answered the first of Lexa’s questions but left the others unanswered for the time being. “It is called The Edge, for those who journey here stand on a precipice, the edge of life and death.”

“Why am I here?” Lexa kept her warrior stance, legs apart and knees braced, arms ready to strike or defend should the need arise, but something told her that this woman wouldn’t harm her.

“You have a choice to make, when the time is right.” The woman extended her hand. “There is little time and much to see. Will you come with me?”

Lexa looked at the hand offered to her and then back at the woman. She wore a kind smile, soothing in a way and encouraging. Lexa felt herself accept the hand without thinking about it, knowing with certainty that this woman would not hurt her but would lead her to what Lexa wanted most. She feels a rush of wind as their hands meet, her loose hair whipping about her shoulders as she’s carried higher and higher. A light appears above her, more brilliant than the sun and the brightness forces Lexa to close her eyes as they approach. When she opens her eyes again, Lexa is standing on a cloud in a sea of blue sky, the same woman from before standing next to her and looking down on the world below.

Lexa looks below as well and feels her heart catch in her throat at the vision that greets her. She looks upon Polis, the great tower in ruins and the rest of the world beyond it burning. Buried beneath the rubble a familiar figure shifts about, dirty, blonde hair spilling into the sunlight as she frees herself from the ruins of the tower.

“Clarke,” Lexa whispers. “We have to help them.”

“We cannot,” the woman says, “not from here. If things process as they are, the world will burn once again. Peace will not last, the clans will be destroyed and in their place there will only be chaos.”

“There must be something we can do,” Lexa says fiercely and looks back down at Clarke.

“Even death, the spirit of the Commander lives in you.”

Lexa turns to look at the woman and suddenly feels as if she’s been knocked off her feet. Information floods her mind, memories that feel as if another person lived them rather than herself. She remembers Clarke calling her name, a burning sensation in her abdomen, shaking lips placed against her own, her life force spilling onto the bed. She gasps and clutches at her stomach, expecting her hand to come away colored dark with her blood, but she feels only fabric beneath her fingertips. “No, I can’t, I can’t be gone.”

“Your fight has ended, it is true,” Lexa looks back at the woman. Their eyes meet again and the spark of recognition Lexa felt before ignited again and allowed her to connect a name to the woman before her. Becca, the first Commander. “However, it does not have to stay that way.”

“Becca, I don’t understand.” Lexa saw a smile light up the woman’s face when Lexa used her name. “I need to keep fighting, Clarke,”

“Clarke is waiting for you in the next life just as she is waiting for you in this one,” Becca interrupted, “no matter what choice you make, you and Clarke will meet again it will simply be a matter of when. The Powers That Be have a way of putting connected souls in contact with another.”

“Connected souls…” Lexa trailed off, “Clarke and I are connected.”

“Soulmates, as they would have said in my time, Two people bound together through unseen forces, equals in all and symbols of love among men.” Becca smiled again, “destined to find one another in every life until the final journey into the Beyond.”

“I always knew she was special,” Lexa’s voice fell to a whisper as she looks at the ground again, where Clarke stands to survey the damage in the area.

“She is, as are you, and that is why you have been brought here.” Lexa looks at Becca as the image of the ground freezes and then begins to move backwards in time. Lexa sees the sun set and rise, people mill around beneath them, streaks of smoke retreating from the grounder capital. Then, the image shifts again so Lexa and Becca no longer stand on a cloud high above the city but within Polis tower.

“Clarke,” Lexa attempts to reach out for the woman but is stopped by an invisible force.

“We are to observe only, we cannot interfere.”

“What are we observing?” Lexa questioned. Titus entered the room, pointing his Skaikru weapon at Clarke. Their voices are muffled until Lexa herself enters the room, her flesh rather than her spirit.

“The moment the world was doomed.” Becca closes her eyes as Lexa falls again, unable to watch the heartbreaking event a second time. Clarke’s voice is far less muffled as she says her final words to Lexa.

“I don’t understand,” Lexa is allowed to move now and she does, resolutely keeping her eyes away from her own body and focusing on Clarke as she approaches. When she tries to touch Clarke, her hand passes through as if there was nothing there.

“You were never meant to die, your fight was meant to carry on for several years to come.” Becca explained as Clarke bent of Lexa’s form in tears. “You and Clarke were meant to bring peace to this land, lasting peace that would withstand long after your fight ended. Your future was ripped away in an accident that was not ordained by the Powers.”

“What does that mean?” Lexa stepped back with Clarke as she was pushed away by Titus who began the process of removing the Flame from Lexa’s body.

“To put it simply, there is an unbalance in the world caused by your death. The Powers are unhappy with that imbalance and have given you the choice to right these wrongs. But this will not be a simple task. The choices you make in life again will determine your success. Every action has consequence, even the actions of the universe itself. The balance will rest on your shoulders, a burden that you and Clarke must bear together if you are to live again."

“I will return to life?” Lexa looked at Clarke as she spoke rather than Becca, who nodded slightly.

“You will, with the knowledge of what is to come and the ability to stop it, therein lies your choice.”

“Choice?” Lexa questioned as she finally tore her eyes from Clarke. Becca nodded again and, in the second it took for Lexa to blink, carried them high above the clouds again. There, they watched the world catch flame.

“There is always a choice, Commander, while the Powers keep order in the universe, they cannot interfere unless chosen to do so by the people.” Becca gestured to the destruction below them. “You can stop Praimfaya from happening again, you can save your people, all people, but you must choose. There is no turning back, and there is no third chance. You will have one opportunity to fix this.”

“What will happen when I go back?” Lexa said, certain that she would be returning to her life, to Clarke, no matter what.

“You will return one week before the dropship containing the first 100 SkaiKru lands, your mission is to seek peace with the 100 from the beginning. This can only be achieved if you personally see to investigating the intruders.”

“Will anyone else remember this life?”

“If you so desire, you can activate the memories of certain people using a trigger phrase, otherwise only you will remember.”

“How many people can I choose?”

“Three,” Becca said, “you may choose up to three people to restore memories too. Once their memories return there will be no way to erase them again.”

“How much would they remember?”

“Everything up until the moment your fight ended.” Becca waited for a second as Lexa processed the information. “You do not have to decide who to wake now, there is still time before you can be sent back. The Powers must prepare for the drain on their abilities and your soul must prepare for the journey.”

“Will I be able to change everything?” Lexa asked, eager to learn as much as she could as fast as possible. She needed to return, to wake Clarke and finally have peace.

“No,” Becca shook her head sadly, “there are certain things that must happen, events that cannot be changed. You cannot stop a portion of SkaiKru from landing in Azgeda territory, you cannot stop the fall of the Mountain, and you cannot stop Roan’s ascension to the throne of Azgeda. Other things that you try to stop may happen, if in a different way than the previous timeline. These are events are unclear, and may bring many changes to your world.” Becca waited until Lexa had indicated her understanding before continuing. “Lastly, you cannot stop Clarke from becoming WanHeda.”

Lexa nodded her understanding again, even as her heart broke for the woman she loved. The mantle of WanHeda had weighed heavily on Clarke, as Lexa knew it would again. Clarke loved far too much to want to be the Commander of Death, which was why Clarke was the best WanHeda. Those who hate will lose to death, while those who love will keep it at bay.

Becca remained silent as she waited for Lexa’s next question, knowing what it would be. Lexa had heard everything she needed to know about her mission: peace. It was a simple and complicated as that, and Lexa knew she would only achieve such impossibility with Clarke by her side.

“Have you decided who you will awaken?” Becca asked after a long silence stretched between them.

“Yes, Clarke, Octavia and Raven.” Lexa said after a moment of thought. If was surprised by the selection, she gave no indication of that being so. “How will I wake them?”

“You must decide on an activation phrase, now. You can use one for all three or different phrases, but you must choose before you leave this place.”

Lexa paused for a moment to consider her choices and then relayed them to Becca. Becca nodded in acceptance.

“It is done then, there is one more choice you must make before you return.”

“What is it?”

“You may spend a few moments with Clarke, alone, or you may see Clarke, Raven and Octavia together. Your time will be brief. You will explain what will happen and any other information you wish to give them, then the Powers will seize your soul and you will be sent back. You must choose now.”

Lexa sighed, biting the inside of her cheek. As much as she longed for a few moments with Clarke, she knew it was important to speak with all three women. “I will see all of them.”

“So you will,” Becca offered one last parting smile as she raised her arms above her head, “May we meet again, Heda Leska.”

Then, Lexa closed her eyes as light enveloped her.

 


	2. Before the Descent

“Lexa?” Clarke’s questioning voice prompted Lexa to open her eyes again once the light had faded. She was met with Clarke herself, disbelief and wonder written all over her face as she took a single, cautious step forward and then stopped. 

“Clarke,” Lexa released her name on a sigh, almost unable to believe that she was seeing Clarke again. 

“Lexa, it’s really you?” Clarke’s eyes scanned over every inch of Lexa, taking in her stance, her hair, her clothes, her eyes. Lexa wore the same clothes she had the last time Clarke had seen her, her hair down and flowing. When she glanced at Lexa’s abdomen, there was no sign of a wound. 

“It’s me, Clarke, I’m here.” Lexa held her hand out towards Clarke and that was all the invitation needed. Clarke rushed towards her, bypassing the hand Lexa extended in favor of throwing both of her arms around Lexa. Lexa hugged her back just as tightly, pressing a kiss into her hair. 

“I watched you die.” Clarke mumbled against the skin of Lexa’s neck. “I saw you, I couldn’t save you.” 

“Shh, Clarke, it’s alright. Everything will be okay.” Lexa murmured softly, stroking Clarke’s back with one hand, the other resting on the back of Clarke’s head. 

“How can it be okay?” Clarke asked as she pulled back slightly. Lexa could see the tear streaks on her cheeks. “You’re gone, Lexa. Nothing is okay.” 

“I won’t be gone long, Clarke, if everything works out as planned, I won’t leave you at all.” Lexa stroked her thumb along Clarke’s cheek as she spoke, catching a few tears that fell. 

“Lexa, you’re already gone. You can’t come back from death. As much as I wish you could,” Clarke sighed sadly, resting her forehead against Lexa’s. “God, I wish we’d have had more time.” 

“Your time isn’t over yet, Kwin. In fact, I would say your time together is just beginning.” Clarke pulled away slightly to search for the source of the new voice. Lexa shifted herself so she and Clarke stood side-by-side, hands linked between them. Becca appeared again wearing the same flowing robes and now joined by the astonished figures of Raven and Octavia. 

“You’re, you’re her.” Raven said, almost breathless as she looked at Becca. “Alie.” 

“No,” Becca shook her head. “ALIE was made in my likeness, but she is not me. ALIE is a monster.” 

“ALIE?” Clarke questioned and then shook her head. “What’s going on? Who are you?” 

“My name is Becca. I am the first Commander.” Becca looked over at Raven. “I created ALIE and it was my actions that caused the first Praimfyra. I have brought you all here to stop the second Praimfyra from happening.” 

“What is ALIE?” Octavia questioned sharply. She stood next to Raven, tense and ready to fight. Lexa could see the warrior spirit in her which confirmed her choice in waking her. Octavia’s resilience and fierceness made her a brilliant warrior and protector. She would blossom in the new timeline. 

“ALIE is an advanced AI meant to bring peace to the world by giving its users access to a world without pain, without hunger, without sickness. It is called the City of Light.” 

“That’s where Jaha was trying to get, when he came back to Arkadia. He said he found a way to take people there, to remove their pain.” Raven looked down at her braced leg as she spoke. “He said it would save us.” 

“Yes, however ALIE became corrupt. Before the joining of the stations that would make the Ark, ALIE decided that the only way to take away all pain was to remove the source of it. Humanity.” Becca waved her hand and an image appeared. “The threat of nuclear war was enough to send the humans worthy of life to the stars, thirteen stations that together would form the Ark, humanity’s safe haven until it was safe to return to the ground again.” 

“There were only twelve stations on the Ark,” Raven pointed out, moving closer to the floating image even as she spoke. Clarke and Octavia followed, Clarke pulling Lexa along since she refused to let go of her hand. 

“The thirteenth never joined.” Becca waved her hand again and the floating image began to move. The four women watched the story playout before them. They saw the thirteen space stations, twelve of the joining. They saw the streaks of fire spread across the globe and the thirteenth station crash to the ground. They saw Becca climb out of the pod, her blood now flowing black and a scar on her neck, offering to help the survivors. “The thirteenth station was called Polaris, dedicated to scientific advancement. We brought our own reckoning upon us. The only way to stop ALIE was to make sure she had no connection point.” 

“So you came to earth, cut ALIE off.” 

“Yes,” Becca nodded, “there was only one person with access to ALIE anymore, and at that, a greatly modified ALIE. This ALIE was meant to aide humanity in feelings and strength. It came to be known as the Flame.” 

“The Commander’s Spirit,” Lexa said, rubbing the back of her neck with her free hand. Clarke looked at her questioningly. 

“That little chip Titus removed from you after....” Clarke trailed off, unable to voice what had happened. Lexa nodded and squeezed Clarke’s hand. 

“Yes, the Flame, it holds the spirit of all previous Commanders and allows them to send me warnings and messages through dreams.” Lexa explained. “The Flame must be removed immediately following the Commander’s death, before the spirit leaves the body.” 

“That is what the legend became, yes.” Becca nodded. Clarke shuffled closer to Lexa, needing to feel her close to remind herself that she was there, with Clarke, even if Clarke was sure this was some sort of grief induced dream. “The Fleimkepa was instructed to preserve the Flame so that it would only connect with the true Commander. Unfortunately, the true secrets of the Flame have been lost to the Fleimkepa for some time. The birth of a true commander became increasingly rare, and as the tradition of the conclaves began, it became even more rare for a true commander to be able to ascend.” 

“What do you mean? What is a True Commander?” Octavia questioned as she turned away from the image. Lexa looked at Becca as well, as she had never heard of a True Commander.

“They are known as Spirit Warriors in the Beyond. Souls who, in their time on Earth, seek to restore balance. Some are seen as bloodthirsty, restoring balance by killing, others are too lenient, leaving the world more out of balance from their refusal to spill blood. There have only been two True Commanders from the time of death to the present, both of whom died before their mission could be completed.” 

“Who were they?” Lexa asked as she ran a mental tally of all the Commanders she had learned about as a nightblida. 

“The first was named Amond, he was the fifteenth Commander,” Becca stated as clarification for Clarke, Raven and Octavia. Lexa already knew when Amond would have been Commander. “The second, is you.” 

“Me?” Lexa asked dubiously. 

“I knew it.” Clarke whispered next to her, squeezing Lexa’s hand. 

“Yes, you Lexa. You are a True Commander, and a blessed one as you have something Amond did not.” Becca looked at Clarke and then back to Lexa. “Amond was never able to find his fated mate, and became lost in the search for them. His quest for balance lead him to abandon his duty and the fragile peace shattered in his absence. It was the Fleimkepa of that time who began to teach that to be the Commander is to be alone. He feared losing another Commander in such a way.” 

“Wait, wait, wait, fated mate? As in, soulmate?” Raven looked at Becca and then at Clarke and Lexa, down to their linked hands and then back to Becca. 

“No wonder you wouldn’t leave Polis,” Octavia mumbled, “you didn’t want to leave her.” 

“No I didn’t,” Clarke looked at Lexa as she spoke. 

“I thought soulmates were a myth.” Raven said, “not that I’m not happy for you Griff but, it’s hard to believe mated pairs or whatever are a real thing.” 

“Most myths are born from a truth people no longer live,” Becca spoke softly, “it is said that everyone has a soulmate, it’s just a matter of finding them at the right time to make the connection.” 

“There is know way of knowing if a person is your soulmate or not,” Raven argued, “emotions cloud judgement.” 

“Perhaps to humans, yes, but the Powers have ways of making certain things known. Perhaps you will learn this for yourself, when the time comes.” Becca shook her head. “It does not matter now, there is not much time. We must begin soon.” 

“Begin what?” Clarke directed her question to Lexa, who had nodded along to Becca’s words, as much as to Becca. 

“Your quest for balance, your journey together was cut short long before your time. The Powers That Be have decided to give you another chance.” 

“Another chance to what?” 

“Bring peace to our world, unite our people and restore balance.” Lexa answered Clarke’s question. 

“Yes, your world will burn again if you do not return. You must defeat ALIE before she can rise to power again, and you will need to work together to do so.” 

“That sounds like a job for the Commander,” Raven said before pointing to herself and Octavia. “Why are we here?” 

“I will not be able to do so alone.” Lexa explained, “Octavia, you are a warrior, fiercer than any born on the ground. I will need your warrior spirit to bolster the others. It was you who began building the bridge between our peoples, I will need your help to complete it.” 

“Sha, Heda,” Octavia replied with a slight bow, honored and humbled that the Commander thought so highly of her, even though their interactions had been brief. 

“Raven, you are a warrior much the same, fighting with your mind rather than your body. Without you, we could not have defeated the Mountain, nor will we be able to stop ALIE.” 

“How is all of this gonna work?” Raven asked, seemingly shocked by Lexa’s answer but to overwhelmed with everything happening to truly question it. “We just start over, from scratch.” 

“You will be returned to the past, before the first dropship landed. Only Lexa will have her memories of this time, until you meet again and Lexa can activate the memories in your minds.” 

“Why are we going back so far?” Octavia asked, “why not return to just before Lexa,” Octavia cut herself off from saying ‘died’ after glancing at the pale and tight expression on Clarke’s face. 

“By that time, ALIE had too great of a hold on your people. Raven can attest to that.” 

“Jaha had gotten to most of Arkadia,” Raven admitted slowly, “even me.” 

“You will need to defeat ALIE before that happens, before anyone can reach the City of Light. You will not be given another opportunity. This is your final chance.” 

“I won’t force any of you to return.” Lexa turned to the woman she loved and the two women she hoped to become friends with in the next life. “Though I wish for your help in this, I will not force you to live through any suffering again.” 

“I’m going,” Clarke said immediately. “There’s no way in hell I’m letting you go without me.” 

“Count me in,” Octavia agreed as well, “I will be your warrior, Heda.” 

“I’m not backing down,” Raven spoke up, “a little pain and fear never stopped me before, won’t start now.” 

Lexa nodded at both of the women, offering them a warm smile that many would say was rare to see on her lips. They smiled back, Octavia adding a slight honorable bow. Becca smiled at the four women, certain the world would be in safe hands. 

“You fight will not be easy,” Becca said and gestured for the women to come closer, “to aid you in your quest for peace, the Powers have deemed it acceptable for me to bestow a series of gifts on each of you.” Becca spread her arms out as the four women stood in a line before her. 

“The spirits of the winds bless you with the knowledge of what is to come and the ability to converse easily with all the peoples of your world,” Raven, Octavia and Clarke shivered, Lexa slightly less so, as the knowledge of all human dialects currently spoken on earth filled their minds. 

“This spirits of the sea bless you with incredible swiftness, so that you may always move with the strength and grace of the waves in the water, never falter in your steps.” The four women closed their eyes as an unfamiliar feeling swirled around their legs, as if they were standing on a beach. 

“The spirits of the earth bless you with the strength of the trees and the security of the rocks, so that in times of need, your strength shall carry you home.” They felt a breeze lift their hair, the scent of pines and grass in the air. 

“The spirits of the sun bless you with the brightness of fire to reside in your hearts, so that you may always find the lights even in your darkest hours.” A warmth spread through the four women, soothing as it rose in their chests and spread. 

“Finally, the spirit of the stars bless you softly, so that in your own time you may discover their wonders.” Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand, hearing Raven and Octavia sigh quietly beside them. 

“Do you accept these blessings?” Becca asked formally. The four women looked up at her and spoke as one. 

“We do.” 

Becca smiled, “the time to journey back is near, may the spirits blessings guide your hearts home.” 

“I’ll find you as soon as I can, I promise.” Lexa turned to Clarke, knowing they only had moments left. “We will meet again.” 

“I love you,” Clarke whispered, afraid that if she didn’t say it then, she would never get the chance. 

“I love you, Clarke. Always.” Lexa pulled her close and kissed her softly. 

“Hurry back to me,” Clarke said as they parted, eyes closed as she rested her forehead against Lexa’s. 

“Until we meet again, my love.” Lexa kissed her again. 

“It’s time,” Becca said, raising her arms again. Clarke and Lexa stayed still, resting against one another. Raven and Octavia joined them, grasping hands as Raven placed her left hand on Clarke’s shoulder and Octavia placed her right hand on Lexa’s. 

In a rush of wind, the four women disappeared. 

 


	3. At The Beginning

Lexa awoke slowly, her right arm stretched out, searching for a warmth she was sure would be there. Her eyes opened slowly as she was met with only cold furs and her brow furrowed in confusion. What had she been reaching for? Why was she expecting warmth? Who had she - 

Clarke. 

Lexa blinked and it came back to her. Meeting Clarke in her tent, their first kiss, the betrayal, the Mountain, meeting again in Polis, the Ice Queen, Clarke’s lips against hers, their skin sliding together beneath the furs, Titus with a SkaiKru weapon, a burn in her abdomen. Clarke saying goodbye, then nothing. An emptiness that stretched on for ages until, finally a light. A voice familiar distant, the world in flames. Clark in her arms again. A warning, a mission. 

“Clarke.” 

Lexa rose from her bed, sliding a robe over her nightdress and moving to the balcony. She looked up towards the stars, searching for the place she knew her heart was. A thousand lights glimmered back at her, planets and constellations she recognized from her lessons as a child but no sight of the metal contraption that held her soulmate. 

“We will meet again my love, I promise.” Lexa whispered into the night. She remained on her balcony until the stars disappeared in the light of day, hoping that some part of her heart would reach Clarke, despite the distance between them and the absence of Clarke’s memories. She felt a warmth pulsing in her heart, and somehow she knew that Clarke felt it too. Maybe she didn’t understand it yet, but Clarke was missing Lexa just as much as Lexa missed Clarke. As the sun continued to rise, Lexa turned and walked back into her room to prepare for the days ahead. She had seven days until Clarke would land on Earth, seven days until she could at least see Clarke again. There was much to be done. 

“Heda, the ambassadors await your presence, as requested. _ ”  _ Titus said as Lexa left her quarters. It was only her years of practice sliding into the roll of Heda that kept her from reacting to his unexpected presence. Her mind flashed back to the image of him holding a gun, the end pointed at Clarke. 

_ “T _ here is not time, teacher. I must journey to TonDC. _ ”  _ Lexa moved away from the room containing her throne and the ambassadors from the twelve clans. “A matter there requires my immediate attention.” 

“ _ I do not understand,” _ Titus said as he followed close behind Lexa. “Have you been giving a warning? The past Commanders have been speaking to you?” 

“Yes,” Lexa quickened her pace. 

“Heda, the ambassadors will not take kindly to being dismissed.” Titus warned her with sharp words. She paused in her stride and turned towards him with a glare. 

“The ambassadors will do as I command,” Lexa glowered at her teacher, unable to ignore the distrust boiling in her stomach as she remembered the crimes committed by a different him. In the previous time, Titus would have died for what he did to Lexa and tried to do to Clarke. “As will you, Titus.” 

“Sha, Heda,” Titus inclined his head in a short bow, Lexa could hear him swallow thickly. “I simply meant with the danger of the Mountain being so close to TonDC, perhaps it would be wise to speak with ambassadors before leaving.” 

“Perhaps you are right,” Lexa said, forcing her mind to calm. She was still Heda, she had responsibilities. The coalition would be unstable with the shadow of the Mountain looking over them, the people would be restless and scared. Clarke wouldn’t be on Earth for a week in the first place, and there was no guarantee that Lexa would be able to make contact with her immediately anyway. Still, she loathed the idea of remaining in Polis to deal with politics while her soulmate crash landed. “I will see the ambassadors, but I will not be delayed further. I will leave for TonDC at first light.” 

“Sha, Heda.” Titus bowed again, deeper this time. Lexa felt the distrust rise in her stomach again as she realized Titus had succeeded in getting his wish for her actions. It would not happen again. 

Lexa proceeded to her throne room, where the twelve ambassadors stood for arrival and waited as she took her seat. She waited until Titus had taken his place to her right, behind her throne, before speaking. “Heda welcomes you ambassadors, shall we begin.” 

“Heda, there have been sightings of the Mountain Men to the south, far past the reaches of TriKru and into DesertKru territory. Has the Mountain expanded its territory?” The Desert Clan ambassador spoke after bowing respectfully to her. Lexa concealed a frown. 

“TriKru, what do you say of this?” Lexa addressed the ambassador from her home clan, having to once again keep herself from reacting as Gustus stepped up to address the assembly. The man who had been a mentor to her, who had attempted to poison her and set the blame on Clarke and her people. The man who Lexa had killed on the tree for his crimes. So much had changed in the few months she spent with Clarke, so much more than she had realized before. 

“Our scouts do not breach the borders of TriKru territory, we do not wish to lose more of our numbers to the poison fog.” 

“The Desert is far beyond the known reaches of the fog, our scouts show no such hesitation.” The Desert Clan ambassador frowned slightly. “Perhaps that is why so many of them have not returned.” 

“We must look further into this, we cannot allow the shadow of the Mountain to grow,” Lexa’s voice quieted any other voices that may have risen. “I will journey tomorrow to TonDC and speak with our scouts.” 

“Heda, surely it would be safer to send a delegate in your place,” Gustus spoke up, ever protective of Lexa just as he had been in the previous time. “I would be honored to make this inquiry on your behalf.” 

“I will journey to TonDC, as is my right as Heda, and you will not question me.” Lexa’s voice was as hard as steel, leaving no room for argument. “I will see to this threat to our coalition and make sure it falls with the Mountain.” 

“Sha, Heda,” Gustus bowed and claimed his seat. Lexa knew in the morning he would insist on accompanying her to TonDC as her guard. Then, once she arrived in TonDC, both and Indra and Anya would be by her side as well. Anya, the woman who had trained Lexa, alive again. Lexa held in a sigh as she realized she would be seeing many faces she had known before, most of whom belonged to people who had passed into the spirits. She hoped to save them from that fate this time, and she would, if it was the last thing she did, she would restore balance with Clarke by her side. They would complete their mission, they would live in peace, together. As it should have been. 

Lexa stayed with the ambassadors for the majority of the day, settling smaller disputes and arranging for new trade routes that would allow her people to avoid the Mountain as much as possible. She stole a few moments of solace on the throne room balcony during their few breaks, resolutely ignoring the memory of kicking on of the ambassadors in the room behind her off said balcony in another life. Instead, she closed her eyes and soaked in the warmth of the sun, searching for the warmth in her heart that connected her to Clarke. Sometimes she thought she felt a spark, just for a moment, as if Clarke was reaching for her too. Though she knew there was no way Clarke would be reaching for her, the thought brought her some comfort and reminded her of what was at stake. She’d give anything to feel that spark blossom into something real again. 

Finally, after the ambassadors retreated to their own quarters or elsewhere in Polis, Lexa was able to slip downstairs to visit the Natblida. She knew that if she and Clarke were to take down the Mountain and then defeat ALIE, she wouldn’t have the time she needed to spend with them. It was one of the worst parts of leaving Polis, leaving these children in the hands of man who couldn’t see past the mantle they might one day carry. Lexa knew that some of Titus’s lessons were necessary for survival, but far too many more of them were designed to crush any spirit within them that didn’t reflect the Commander. Only the strongest of Natblida would retain their sense of self under Titus. Lexa was one of the lucky ones, Luna too. She wouldn’t let her novitiates turn into monsters like those she fought in her conclave. 

“Titus said you will be travelling to TonDC, Heda,” Aden said after Lexa entered the small clearing where the Natblida trained. “A diplomatic mission?” There was a hint of hope in Aden’s question, one that matched the emotion in his eyes that hadn’t yet learned how to hide. 

“I am sorry Aden,” Lexa grasped the young boy’s shoulder, “until the Mountain falls…”

“The Natblida are not safe so far from Polis. I know, Heda,” Aden ignored Lexa’s slight frown at his interruption, knowing he wouldn’t be punished for it by Lexa like he would have been if speaking to Titus. “Still, one can hope one day you’ll change your mind.” 

“Hope is a powerful feeling,” Lexa told him as they walked to where the other Natblida sat, cleaning their weapons from the day of training, “never forget that. As for my trip, yes I will be travelling to TonDC at first light.” 

“When will you return, Heda?” Mia, the youngest novitiate asked. At six years old, the little girl was only allowed to help clean the weapons and not yet permitted to use them herself, so she held the blade of a dagger steady to wipe down. She looked at Lexa with wide eyes, by far the most emotional of the group but too closed down to truly be a child. 

“I am unsure,” Lexa brushed her hand through Mia’s hair in a show of affection that had been rare since Costia’s death, until Lexa met Clarke. Mia leans into her touch. “Perhaps in a few days, perhaps not for several weeks. It will depend on what I find in TonDC.” 

“Our lessons with Titus will continue in the meantime?” Aden asked as he helped Mia slide her dagger in a sheath for storage. 

“Yes, once I return I will evaluate your progress.” Lexa looked at each young warrior in turn and smiled at them. “Since I won’t know when that will be, and if you don’t mind staying out for a bit, perhaps you can show me what you’ve learned in your lessons about the stars?” 

“Sha, Heda,” Mia replied excitedly, tugging on Aden’s hand. Aden smiled at the child and followed her to the middle of the clearing where they both laid in the dirt. The other Natblida followed and laid down as well, leaving space for Lexa in the center. 

Lexa took her place and listened to the young warriors explain how to use the stars as a guide, which constellations to search for and what time of year they would be most apparent. She smiled and praised their knowledge, happy that they had paid such attention in their lessons. She lets her musing on Titus and his teachings leave for the time being and resolves to address the issue again when she has Clarke by her side and the Mountain and ALIE at her feet. 

They spend a few hours gazing at the stars before Lexa sends the natblida’s off to bed and head to her own chambers. She resists the urge to return to her balcony and the view of the stars there but only because she knows she will need to be well rested for her journey to TonDC. She would have three days after arriving in TonDC to prepare for the dropship to arrive. Three days until she would see Clarke again. 

It was that happy thought that sent her to sleep. Before her eyes slip closed, she swore she felt the warmth in her chest increase and linger for a moment, but the feeling was gone by morning. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the amazing support so far! I know this type of fic has been done to death but I'm glad you gave my version a chance! 
> 
> As always feel free to come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ambs-writes)

**Author's Note:**

> Look at me writing a clexa fic in 2019, who'd've thought that would happen! Hope you enjoyed and I'll see you for the next chapter! 
> 
> Check me out on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ambs-writes)


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